02 July 2012

DVE Comedy Festival - Jim Breuer - Dad

DVE Comedy Festival.

you know in life there's one thing

they're not going to teach you about and that's take care of your family I got a big family I tell you why nothing you know I do on TV then whatever you could be the head CEO doesn't matter we're all the time where you might have to take care of your parents and you better start learning about it bro because that's serious business nothing and I mean nothing can compare you my dad's a world war two vet he's 90 years old he's a man's man yo Sofia doesn't go to the Elks Club that's what he lives for but nothing in the world prepped me for the day I had my children the car and this man of men is staring out the window as I go over bridges don't like it I know this look I've seen this before now the last time I've seen it look as a child you know my kids go behind a couch and that's where they got to drop it we're gonna have to see them by themselves I smell what you did well my dad is doing the same thing but let me tell you something big difference between a two-year-old goose and a nine-year-old juice and I'm Amish I'm his son but the difference is the - you're you put your fascia beautiful

tonight I don't know because the vitamins he takes this diet or it's age in general what's in the colon but when it hits you it goes right to the gag reflex [Music] nothing trigger right through me never put my hands on on a break because it was it was it was a driving hazard I are enjoying so bad my eyes are shut for Lansing of a quick nap now to see that people [Music] [Music] he's embarrassed there's still a human elephant in here he's gone you got you got a hat like that I'll be gentle so pull it out guys my dad I don't want to crush this feelings listen good what do you say what do you say they teach you back algebra not stealing oh how about teaching Winx learn to listen not it's not you not you I just clean the car yeah I put in a new every freshman and I'm allergic to the air aggression yeah that works until the kids catching with that dish then care about feelings they just call shots the way they are and you see the rear view mirror all unraveling so accepting duty look out the window

guys everything everyone's allergic okay it's not you then I get them home I gotta clean them let me get you know - you're only put wet nights there's no wedding I've seen the world going to clean yes I've got my warm - father is garage and a hosing them down like a prisoner keep your hands on the wall sir please don't turn around something just regulates I know it's difficult you're naughty but you need three legs I gotta get under here sir and the water that is coming off at this buzzer twin and it looks like a third-world country rivers going all the way for the neighborhood and the kids are on the fly my grandma put this here see you really want the river to my grandpa very nice no see dungeon this tragic ending this spot left on up and I don't want to touch it so I'm gonna void Zbornak with the hose from behind how he didn't drop I'll never know does it look like a fox oh just finished working out you feeling we're gonna play carnival what's the win stuffed animal that Greg he was all Berenstain I said that don't be a parish don't be embarrassed man here you're 90 years old you grew up with ten brothers

and sisters in Kentucky your mom died when you're three then you graduate high school you in the jungles of the South Pacific for three and a half years so many friends killed themselves and the things they've seen and drank themselves with that you're always there for me as a father the way I see it man is you crash yourself okay that's man that's we I pray one day I crapped myself hard and my kids have so I'm going to ruin it furniture throw it on walls decorated so I could be a quarter the manuals were you already member love you thank you [Applause]