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25 October 2018

Sexy Sleepover

I drive 3 hours to my friend "Lara's" house party and end up spending the night. It was totally innocent and boring. I should've just stayed home tbh. If you guys ...

I got this friend.

We're gonna call her Lara Croft. Little backstory on Lara. We're cuddle buddies. ;) Swoozie: Kissing is like, one of my favorite things to do. Swooz: Yeah, I'm I freak I don't care who you tell. I'm just out here, trying to provide the family, friendly content that Gotham needs. (loud af thunder in the background) Half the time we hang out it's platonic frienship. But the other half-- We would just make out a lot and we were all over each other. Funny thing about all this, is that her mom--actually knew Her mom acted like the cool mom, from Mean Girls. ( Well ain't that nice.) Her mom really wanted us to date. But me and Lara..... We good. (...Okay...) So one day, Lara texts me. Lara Croft: Yo, my BD this weekend. My friend Pam is in town. I'm having a party. Come thru. Me, personally I'm not a huge fan of house parties. Like you show up, and it's 15 dudes and 3 girls. Swooz: So, I'm usually ready to go home after 15 minutes. Now Lara's house is 3 hours that way. Drive over to her house, walk in. And there's FIFTEEN dudes. And TWO girls. Swoozie: So then she starts introducing me to her friends. She's like: Oh! This is my friend Gabe. Swoozie's inside voice: Gabe? Swoozie's inside voice: That name sounds familiar. Lara: This is my friend Aren. Swoozie thinking: ....That name sounds familiar too. Lora: This is my friend Justin.

Narrator Swoozie: And then it HITS me! These are all the dudes who were her ex-cuddle buddies. Half the dudes She locked in a friend zone. And there just trying to get out. The other half-- Are her ex-cuddle buddies. The testosterone in the air was so thick You could cut it with a K-nifie. Swoozie: So, then she introduced me to her friend Panda. And Panda, is Bla-sian. Teacher Swoozie: Anybody that doesn't know what a Bla-sian is, it's somebody who's half black, half Asian. And she's obsseded with anime. Swoozie: I think most Blasians, it's in your DNA, like you HAVE to love anime. Panda was cute, but she definitely had a chapped lips level 4 situation going on that night. So I just wanted to be like: Ye-eah, t-here you go huntie, just take some of this chapstick. There you go, much better. So me and Panda start talking about anime and a bunch of random stuff I'm sitting here watching EVERY SINGLE dude at this party. Try to get with Lara. Fellas, Imma talk to you for a second. Dr. Swoozie: So, you can use this information in life. Like this party can be an analogy. For other parts of your life. (Thank you) Every dude at this party: Is being thirsty. That's DLV: Demostration of Lower Value. And I decide: Imma go DHV: Demostration of Higher Value. DHV, it's your actions. You probably hear the saying: "Nice guys finish last." Girls love nice guys. It's DLV--

Different situation. Anyways: on with the story

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