20 June 2018

stop feeding trolls & stop trying to be normal (DDlg ) (DDlb)

how I handle ddlg ddlb ageplay haters: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hGcWsfCdE4&t=19s Friend me! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sassafraslo.

hey littles I hope you're having a super

magical day I thought I would make a little post just I don't know just talk about something that I've seen happening a lot on YouTube I feel like YouTube and has been really quiet the last like week and a half in terms of littles making videos or maybe I'm just missing them but so much of what I have seen has been people feeding trolls stop feeding trolls it's just silly I mean do what you want to do I'm not trying to tell people what to do but like so there's a really big youtuber like you know where's the pink elephant in there might have a pink elephant I don't think I'll fit in this room really I don't have a pink elephant I thought he did well no here's Dumbo don't boos not pink though well the point is the pink I'll have been in the room is there's a really big youtuber who's making all these video themed like about DDL G and about littles and like they're rude and they're like very very very sensationalized and they're absurd and like who cares like whatever like if you want to fight with this person about it online like go ahead but it's exactly what they want you to do and it's just feeding into creating more content so

like that's my stance I'm not making a video about it um because I think it's silly I've made a video about how to deal with haters I'm gonna really really try to remember to put it in the comments or not the comments there like infobox there because I said everything I really wanted to say about how to deal with haters it was like a very sincere video about like experiences that I've had over the last like 15 and a half years is an out little another person it's like I'm gonna say that but like the other thing I'm gonna say I'm not gonna repeat everything I said there but then you all really want to kind of say though is I'm seeing a couple different kinds of responses I'm seeing people freaking out and like feeding the trolls and like making all these like posts like tagging them in and like trying to educate them and like I'm all about community education I write articles all the time trying to do community education and explain and like demystify who littles are and what each plate is and like what BDSM and what leather is Emily I do those things and I get time to eat now and I do it like and people say horrible things and they say

all of the like all of the things that are being said in those videos that like you know completely misses the point the Ring Pop puppies popping out completely misses like the ginormous ginormous point which is BDSM leather age play only exists only exists between consenting adults it's a thing it has nothing nothing nothing nothing remotely anywhere on the like same planet his child abuse that's not what happens it's not and people who are interested and like who choose to like arrange their lives around each play and BDSM and leather and kink dynamics in tlg or DD lb or whatever right I'm not doing those things because we may or may not be survivors of child abuse some of us are some of us aren't it's not a correlation these are just dynamics that work for us they are how we are most fulfilled they are how we want to live our lives okay so like trying to convince people whose minds are made up like isn't gonna happen and particularly people whose minds are made up because they're like trying to like be sensational and get tons of it like in video views and whatever and just make fun of us like that is so not worth my

time those those are in my opinion those are people who are not going to be educated they don't want to be educated right they just want to get media hits on it and like whatever I get it I've worked in the media for a long time I understand that what people are doing but like I'm not gonna help them do that so like that's part of it but then there's this other side that is so fascinating to me that is this like backlash almost within littles communities that I've seen and I've seen a number of youtubers and on Instagram and people are like making posts about this like I'm not I'm not calling anyone person out at all I've seen a number of these posts where people are now going this hyper other direction about being like good role models and like good examples of the community in order to like try to make themselves palatable to like vanilla people straight people the mainstream world please like it's just silly and like I know I come at this from like a really different perspective I come at this is like a queer person and as a genderqueer person and as somebody who has like been doing kinky

stuff literally since some of these people were in diapers the first time and I'm not intending to be ageist in that because I think there are brilliant brilliant brilliant folks of all all all experiences in community in medias I'm community but like there is it is really differently from my own experience my own perspective when I when I came into community at 18 what my experience was what I expected dealing with the ramifications of people not liking me or not liking my kinks or not wanting to be around me that versus like where I am at 34 is my bio age really really different in those years in community and like I can't make people like me and I don't want to make people like me and if people want to believe nonsense about the way I choose to live my life as a consenting adult in relationship with other consenting adults I can't change their mind about that and I'm not gonna waste my life trying to write like and that's different from doing education work which I do a lot of but you know there's so there's this backlash that is very much all about like people trying to be palatable like oh don't post Father's

Day things about daddies cuz that's you know gonna make people freak out I mean that actually don't celebrate Father's Day with my daddy it's like not a holiday that that we get that's our Jam holidays are a big deal in our family that just isn't like a holiday time um but like I know those who do and it's delightful same with mothers there or whatever you know like oh don't do that don't create social media pages that like link your kink lifestyle with your regular lifestyle and I'm like oh please like what do people do lots of things for safety and I support people doing how navigating those spaces however they need to however they want to whatever makes sense for them but like to be another voice on that like I live my life fully out everybody in my life knows that I'm a big leather pervert it's just who I am right I'm a little everybody knows I'm a little all of my social media platforms are entirely public it's how I've chosen to live my life that's how I've chosen to navigate the world has an out career person as in that leather person as an author whose work often spans those worlds and like does it sometimes cost

me opportunities sure that's oblique probably but does it open up other opportunities for me yes and like I'm not saying the way I live my life is the way other people should live their life I have a tremendous amount of privilege I live in New York City I am you know a very one of the most liberal places in the country I've worked jobs when I've had muggle jobs or day jobs my day jobs have been with organizations that are incredibly left-leaning that are queer organizations where even if I I'm not like to talk about my life and when I had a mobile job I didn't talk about anything about my life at work um but I had disclosed everything about my leather writing and my public kink work to my CEO so that I couldn't be blackmailed right and and it was fine so like tremendous amount of privilege to be able to do that I'm not saying everybody should do that but when we get into this world of trying to make non kinky people like us by being like we're just like you were normal there's nothing weird about us like it's a losing battle it's the same problem with this like the you know mainstream LGBT

movements desire for assimilation there's great works about this there's amazing books you can read right now as some like this by Matilda Bernstein Sycamore is a wonderful wonderful book you should read it it's great I'm writing a nonfiction book right now that actually talks problematizes lots of things the mainstream gay rights movement has done to marginalize queer people it'll be out in two years that's coming out from a really great publisher um about two years in anyway what I'm saying is we know that it doesn't work it doesn't make we can't compromise the queerest parts of ourselves the weirdest parts of ourselves the kinkiest parts of ourselves to try to make people like us try to make like mainstream like straight this white wealthy um like America or whatever it like think we're okay it's a losing battle with big weirdos that's okay I'm super clear I'm super kinky nothing about this is going to like people either like it they don't and like astonishingly a number of people are like you're whimsical and delightful and I don't need to like you know be like hello my name is sassafras

and I live with my daddy my partner of 14 years in a 24/7 BDSM daddy boy power dynamic and that's like I don't need to do that but I'm also not gonna like be closeted oh I can't show you my computer because it's what I'm recording I'm like a big leather pride flag on my computer like I am so out and that's how what makes sense for me and so when I see people talking and like people who is this like so much about why I wanted to make it start making YouTube videos in general right people who are leaders in whatever that means in DDLJ or DDL be spaces little spaces and they're just putting forth this narrative over and over and over again like we're just like them we're just like you we are normal don't dislike us like we're not normal that's okay we're big we're not hurting anybody they're only in relationships with consenting adults that's how this works nobody's being hurt we all want to be here like and if you wanna like join us or like us or be our friends then go for it if you don't want to like this and join us and be our friends and by umm so that's sort of my like less community educator voice I

don't know why I think that means I wear like a little baseball cap but um than the other video I've made about how to deal with haters but it's just been really frustrating to see this week on both sides like I'm bored of coming to YouTube and seeing like trolls making videos about littles community and I'm bored coming to YouTube and seeing littles making videos responding to trolls and maybe that's what this is I don't know but more so I am really irritated just about how many littles I see trying to like prove that they're normal when I don't think normal is something to aspire to like as a queer person and that's never been just never been desirable for me I don't want to be normal my life isn't normal I think they're almost really boring um and you know I I don't think we need to spend our whole worlds trying to like our whole lives trying to make our worlds palatable to people outside King communities and say the oh we have to hide ourselves or we can't link our our online profiles or we have to like don't make other people uncomfortable by talking about your relationship like are you hearing yourself please like as if I

want to hear about like their their relationships it's like you know boring vanilla no power exchange straight relationship I think that's boring but I support them being in it I think it's lovely and I'm happy to like you know quick a little like on their photos or show me yeah that's great and you know um I don't know I mean I feel like I'm rambling now but that's what I wanted to say I just wanted to say that like normal is not desirable a lot of us and like think about how much you want attention you want to give the trolls and let's start making cute content and like having fun and if they want to take you know our staff and troll on it then let them but let's not like give them any more power in our in our lives than they already think they have because at the end of the day they're just trolls and they just want to get hit like you know media hits on their like video hits and they get more people to view their videos because they're monetized and they're making money based on how many you know AD hits and how many views their videos have and they're not cute trolls like this friend who I made a

mess trying to get you know so we're gonna end this video but first I'm gonna end it like opening a blind bag it's actually the last blind bag I have stashed as I go from me blind bag separate from my blind bags that I bring to tea and toys with my friend that you can't go to today because there's construction happening at my house to fix something the contractors broke last month but so this is the last one in just like my toys now I'm gonna see who's inside ready this is fluffy clouds Dale he enjoys outings with friends um fluffy fluffy fluffy clouds Dale is maybe my new favorite he pronoun using pony oh he is oh my God look at this mold this mold I've never seen a pony mold like this this is but you can see my scars from my infected cat scratch it's healed now um this is so good and there's a glitter oh my god he's gonna go right up into Ponyville anyway so I hope you like this video I'm like trying to he's gonna go right up here Applejack are you Apple bucking this tree oh my god anyway I'm gonna go now I hope you like this video give it a thumbs up if you liked it give it a thumbs down if you don't like it please subscribe if

you haven't subscribed already and there's a little Bell button my dress is sort of it'll tell you when I put I just discovered this about YouTube so if you don't know about that either hit the little alarm bell because it'll tell you when I go when I upload sound good hope you're having a magical week [Music]